Akatsuki's Road Trip
by Bri Nara
Summary: The Akatsuki are all crammed into a car for a few days... now how to pass the time...


**Bri Nara Production**

_Little gift to the peoples. ^_^ And... it was a random idea (Originally the Akatsuki taking a vacation in New York, but I couldn't finish it). I don't own the Akatsuki._

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" Hidan, Deidara, Kisame, and Tobi complained.

"We get there when we get there! Now shut up!" Sasori snapped back at them. "Don't make me turn this van around!"

The Akatsuki were on their way to a new hideout, since someone (Tobi with Deidara's bombs) blew up their other base. They were all crammed into a mini-van and Sasori was driving (since he doesn't need to sleep). Konan rode shot-gun. Deidara, Pein, and Hidan were in the middle seats. Itachi, Kisame, and Kakuzu were in the back seats. Zetsu was in the trunk of the van while Tobi was forced to lie flat on the floor. (I was in Tobi's position for a road trip once, it sucks.)

"Why couldn't we just fly to the new base?" Itachi asked.

"It costs too much!" Kakuzu yelled. "Do you know how much it costs for just _one _ticket?"

"And how would we get past secruity again?" Pein asked as he glanced at Hidan.

"I meant on Deidara's birds." Itachi explained.

"I only have so much chakra, un." Deidara sighed.

"Ok... Tobi can understand why we have to drive." Tobi's voice said from somewhere between Deidara's feet and the back of Sasori's seat. "But... why does Tobi have to sleep on the floor?"

"So I can do this, un." Deidara randomly kicked somewhere in front of him.

"GAH!"

"Cut it out, Deidara." Pein ordered.

"Fine."

"Can we get some damn snacks already?" Hidan asked. "I'm f_ing starving!" His stomach growled at that moment, as if for emphasis.

"No!" Kakuzu yelled.

"But there's a gas station full of snacks _right there!_"

"No means no!"

"But-"

"NO!" Kakuzu concluded the fight.

Kisame grinned. "Itachi..."

"Right." Itachi looked Kakuzu in the eye. Kakuzu then, passed out.

"What did you do to Kakuzu?" Zetsu asked.

"He just won a free camping trip." Itachi explained.

They all hurried into the gas station to get the nessecary snacks for their 3 day road trip. Snacks included: 3 boxes of oreo cookies (for Tobi, Deidara, and Kisame), 9 jumbo packs of sour gummyworms (for Hidan), a box of honey buns (for Itachi), 3 bags trail mix (for Pein and Konan), and the store clerk (for Zetsu).

"Hidan, how can you _eat _those?" Deidara asked as Hidan opened his first bag of gummy worms.

"I actually _like _the taste." Hidan pulled out a gummy worm and tossed it to Deidara. "Why don't you try one, Dei-chan."

Deidara ate the gummy worm, but had a disgusted look on his face. "Yuck..."

"What the f_ is that look for? They don't taste that bad." Hidan popped a gummyworm into his mouth. "More for me, then."

"Senpai! I'm bored!" Tobi whined from the floor.

"Well, find a way to entertain yourself, un!"

Then there was a popping noise heard throughout the van. Hidan and Kisame snickered, since they knew what movie this reference was from. _Pop._

"Tobi, cut it out, un." Deidara said.

"Ok, Senpai."

Then Tobi started to sit up so that only his mask was visible. _Pop._

"GRAAAAH!" The anime angry mark appeared on Deidara's head as he repeatedly kicked Tobi.

"Deidara," Pein said as an anime angry mark appeared on _his _head. "If you don't stop kicking Tobi's a_, I'll chop off yours and sell it to a fangirl. Tobi, if you don't stop being a pain in _my _a_, I'll rip your mask off and lock in a room full of poparazzi." (Spelling? O_o)

Hidan leaned away from Pein. "_Somebody's _pissed off."

"Anyone would be pissed off if they had to sit between a short-tempered pyro and a potty-mouthed sado-masochist who keep kicking the s_ out of the lollipop-kid who complains to _me _about it. Deidara's hair keeps getting in my face every time I try to take a nap, _you _keeping humming 'the song that never ends' whenever you get bored, and Tobi keeps saying 'Tobi's a good boy' in his sleep! That, _and _I know what my other bodies are doing to the new base right now." (The other Peins went there first to prepare the base.)

"What _are _they doing to the base?"

_**Meanwhile at the base...**_

Naraka-Pein and Preta-Pein were having a burping contest after each drank an entire 2-liter bottle of soda. Asura-Pein was bungee jumping off the roof of the base. Human-Pein was interacting with the guests of the party. The stereo was at full blast, and half the base was in ruin.

"Glad you could make it, Kira-kun," Human-Pein said to a young man with brown hair. He looked over at the incredibly-skinny black-haired man. "Kishin-san, could you please play with that outside? It isn't play-doh." He noticed a brown-haired man with glasses playing with the Naruto-shaped pinata. "Aizen-san, use the chainsaw when you break that, will you?"

"Human-nii," Animal-Pein said. "Are you sure Deva-nii will be okay with this?"

All the Peins looked at her with blank stares until they all suddenly burst out laughing. "Of course, Animal-chan! Of course!"

_**Back in the car...**_

"...Take one down, pass it around, one bottle of pop on the wall..." Tobi groaned.

"I'm _so_ f_ing bored!" Hidan groaned.

"I knew we should've brought the playing cards." Itachi said in a monotone.

"Too bad." Zetsu said from the back. **"Sucks to be you guys." **

"Zetsu, what's that noise?" Itachi said. Everyone stayed quiet so they could hear what Itachi was talking about. It was background music.

"What noise?" Zetsu asked. Suddenly the music was gone.

"ZETSU-SAN HAS A NINTENDO DS BACK THERE!" Tobi declared.

"YOU HAD A DS THE WHOLE TIME WHILE WE'RE BORED OUT OF OR F_ING MINDS?" Hidan, Kisame, and Deidara rawred.

"Get it, Tobi, un!" Deidara ordered.

Tobi squirmed his way to the trunk of the car. "Zetsu-san! Give Tobi the DS, please!"

"No! **Back off!" **

Tobi popped up from the trunk holding up a black-and-white DS. "Don't worry. Tobi got the DS!"

**"Oh no you don't!" **One of Zetsu's hands grabbed Tobi by the ear and dragged him down.

"Tobi! Zetsu!" Sasori scolded. "No fighting! We want the car in one piece!"

"Yeah, it's a rental!" Kakuzu agreed.

SNAP!

"..."

"Please tell me that was someone's arm or something, un." Deidara sighed.

"Here's the DS, Senpai!"

A broken DS was placed onto Deidara's lap. Deidara and Hidan just stared at the precious piece of plastic... Then kicked Tobi for an hour.

**A few days later...**

Everyone was sleeping, except for Sasori.

"Finally... silence~!" Sasori sighed.

"AAH!" Deidara suddenly sat up and started screaming.

"Silence over."

Deidara earned several punchs to the head. "What the hell, Deidara? You woke me in the middle of my 'I finally killed Orochimaru' dream!" Itachi shouted.

"Mine too!"

"Mine too!"

"Sorry..." the blonde mumbled.

"What _was _your f_ing dream about anyways, Dei-chan?"

Deidara looked down at the-still-sleeping Tobi and shuddered. "Things... Horrible horrible things..."

They never found out what these 'horrible things' were because they finally arrived at the new base. Or... rather... what was left of it...

"See, Asura! This is why I said no fireworks!" Human-Pein scolded at his other body.

"WHAT THE F_ HAPPENED TO THE BASE?" Pein and Hidan both asked.

"We had a party and... Asura wanted fireworks..."

Pein facepalmed. Deidara was giving Asura-Pein thumbs up for the damage.

Itachi simply sighed "Back to the car..."

**Random idea. Finally finished.**

**Review.**


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